I turned 30 a couple weeks ago. 

I know. 

I mean...

I get it. 

My laughing wrinkles are starting to stick around these days even when I'm not laughing. 

Teenagers are starting to refer to me as mevrouw (Mrs.) 

Men over 50 are starting to look at me as an option (it's very vexing)

I have some weird 30 year old acne thing going on...which made me for the first time in my life go on acne medication...did it help? ehhh...but the dermo gave me confidence by telling me this wasn't that unusual for women in their 30's. great. so great.

My muffin top has gotten well a little more muffiny

That amazing metabolism I once had...well...no that's probably just because I'm eating like everything in sight and doing nothing to lose it. hahaha

The one thing I was looking forward to was the possibility of  having my libido drop... and it's definitely not; loving sex is a curse...let me tell you. Especially when you are highly fertile. 

(tmi? for sure...but you know I'd say it in person so why not write it??)

To be honest acne, crazy high libido and all...

I've entered a new decade and I'm pumped. 

Although my greatest blessings came out of my 20's: 

it was just a rough decade.

and I'm happy that the page is turning.
A shift has started.

I'm walking in health and I'm moving in a deep seated peace, and it's great. I mean...okay, I'm working out the kinks and I'm not there yet ( I mean are we ever really?)

I felt like for the last two decades, I've been surviving and there's a whole list of reasons why, but the point is...These past two years have been the hardest out of all my life. It's like all the things finally came to a boiling point, and I was faced with myself and years and years of shame and insecurity. And I finally feel like I can say who I am while looking you in the eyes. And although I'm still in a process, I realized the other day...as I was sitting on the beach watching my husband, kids and dog walking into a setting sun in the distance and I was left alone...I was so peaceful and content there..tears started streaming down my face and gratitude washed over me...and this thought overtook me: I'm not surviving anymore; I don't have to sabotage happiness, because I'm afraid it will be ripped away from me. I can live in this deep seated peace and stay here. And not live in fear. I can lay down and listen to "The Luckiest" (Oh if you don't know that song you need to)...and know that I am.

I am so excited
Toast with me to the adventures yet to be had

the lessons to be learned 

The fun and laughter 

the love to be received and given

and to stay in peace

forever with my First Love.

Happy Sunday Y'all! 

XX

Bethany